Divorce Guide

Dealing With an Alienator

Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS is a major problem during many divorce cases. When one parent alienates the child against the other parent it is called PAS. This is very common during divorce battles and even in post divorce scenarios.

An alienator is referred to the parent who does the crime of alienating the child from the other parent. The parent against whom the strategy is played is known as the target parent. Dealing with an alienator is a challenge as they are extreme personalities and not easy to handle.

In order to deal with an alienator the target parent should first learn to identify the problem of Parental Alienation. One should watch out for the symptoms of alienation in the child. The parent should be alarmed if there is a change in the child’s behavior towards him.

PA can bring a sudden change in the child’s behavior. You can experience that the child seems cut off from you, is less cheerful, does not come regularly for visitation, or speaks lesser than before. In extreme cases of PAS the child can shout on the parent, abuse by using offensive language, blame the parent for wrong things, and denies keeping any relationship with the targeted parent.

If you observe any such behavioral pattern in your child do not overrule the case of PA. Once you know that your ex, or estranged spouse is an alienator, you have to figure out the ways to handle him or her.

After you are sure that your child’s alienation from you is a byproduct of the other parent’s manipulation do not hesitate to confront the alienator. The later you do it worse the situation will become. Be with the alienator and make it clear that you will not let the child go off so easily.

If alienation has reached its height and you are not able to maintain any contact with your child, you can threaten the alienator and say that you can take legal action. You can petition the court to order visitation with your children.

Come what may but do not end your contact with children. If you stop meeting or talking to children they will feel that you are actually a bad person and do not love them. In the mean while the alienator will also take advantage of this situation and try to widen the gap between you and children.

Children are immature and out of emotions they might behave in a rash manner with you. No doubt that you will be hurt but try to control your emotions and do not retaliate. If you scold the child or misbehave with him he will be further alienated.

Whether the child is ready to hear or not keep talking to him and explaining that you are always there for him, that you still love him and no one can separate him or her from you. If you are consistent in your efforts to win back the child you can surely tackle the problem of alienation and come out of it successfully.

Every target parent should be patient and persistent in dealing with an alienator. With right intentions and effort you will surely win over your children back.

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