Divorce Guide

How to Deal with a Difficult Ex Spouse

Maria was quite upset. She really did not know how to deal with a difficult ex-spouse. Not only Maria but many people face the same dilemma when their ex-spouse becomes pain in the neck.

The problem is more acute when you have children. Maria had a 4 year old daughter. Maria not being in a very high paying job was depending on her ex-husband for running the family. However in past few months James stopped sending the maintenance amount. Even if he would the amount used to be incomplete.

At first Maria tried to bear for some months, but when she noticed that James was doing this intentionally, she went to the court of law. She had never thought that dealing with her ex-spouse would be such a hassle.

In a somewhat similar case Mike was emotionally tortured by her ex-spouse Leena. She had the custody of their 7 year old son. Till a few months after divorce things were okay and Mike used to visit their son according to the schedule given by the court. The problem started when Mike re-married. Leena became vindictive and tried to stop Mike from meeting the child. Mike was depressed as the son was an important part of his life. Finally it was under the court’s pressure that Leena started adhering to visitation schedules.

So there are a number of couples who find it difficult to deal with the ex-spouse. However, with patience and maturity these problems can be solved.

Set Limits: You are the best person to know the kind of person your ex is. If you are sure that he can create problems for you if future then it’s better to set limits from the beginning. You should be assertive and make it clear that nonsense will not be tolerated. For example, you can specify that you will not entertain his calls or visits at unwanted hour. Be specific that the child will meet only during the visitation schedule. Drawing a line immediately after the separation will help you deal better in the future.

Take the help of the court: Do not hesitate to take legal help if the ex spouse is not cooperating or trying to take undue advantage. Start by threatening but take definite action once the water crosses the mark.

Talking Helps: Most of the problems can be solved by talking. Splenda was really upset because Neil never used to consult her regarding the child. He himself decided about his school. He didn’t even tell Splenda about a major health issue that the child was going through. Splenda called Neil for a cup of coffee and tried to explain her love and concern for the child. Neil’s attitude was much better after that. So talking peacefully is a very balanced approach and helps in 90% of the cases.

Do not involve the child: However trouble your ex spouse creates never involve the child. Do not use the child as a messenger to pass on your ill feelings for the ex-spouse. The child is already broken after parents’ separation; such behavior can shock the child even more.

How to deal with a difficult ex-spouse is definitely complicated but you can overcome the situation with patience and maturity.

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